On second thought...

those of you that know me (who else reads my blog?!) know that for a really long time, i wanted to have a lot of kids. like somewhere between 5 and 8. no one told me that might change after having one or two.

after having julia, i was pretty content for a few months and even thought that i would be okay if i never had anymore-- she was perfect! but of course as she approached her first birthday, i started wanting another one. not right away, but by the time she was 2 or 3 i was hoping to have another. a boy, at that. it took a little longer for riley to feel the same way, but i'm glad that eventually we both were okay with getting pregnant again. only a couple months after we stopped preventing, we found out that #2 was on the way!

we were thrilled but nervous, and i was definitely eager to find out that i was having a riley 2.0!

fast forward to august, 2009. zip-zip-zip...

being a mom just got a little somewhat A WHOLE LOT harder! and math doesn't work the same anymore. taking care of two kids isn't just twice as much work as one kid. the increase in difficulty is exponential, my friends! just to give you an example, here is a typical rundown of how things go just to get out the door: feed josiah and change his diaper . get julia dressed. decide there's no time to change josiah's shirt so just wipe the spit up off with a burpie. put julia's socks and shoes on. put josiah in the carseat. put julia's shoes and socks on again, because she took them off. sing to josiah so he stops whining. take julia potty. make sure i have everything i need in the diaper bag. nope, where's that thing i need? put the toy bar that julia ripped off josiah's carseat back on the handle. fill up julia's sippy cup. find that thing i needed. where are my keys? and my sunglasses? put julia's socks and shoes on again. no, julia you can't take your doll stroller in the car. stop whining, we need to go. out the door we go. julia, wait for me. julia, stop! (running down the sidewalk towards the parking lot)... finally everybody's all buckled into the car, and i realize my cell phone is still on the charger/bar/nightstand/desk/wherever. ugh. you get the picture. and that's just the abbreviated version!

cleaning is harder. naptime is harder. and when it does happen, julia wakes josiah up, or i spend one of their naptimes trying to get the other one to nap. it helps when riley's home because he can help with one while i put the other one down. i'm thankful that julia has finally stopped trying to pick josiah up, now it's just a matter of keeping her voice down while he's sleeping!

there's so much more, but i digress. you moms of more than one know what i mean. alas, i have gradually gotten to the point where "eight kids?! on second thought, i'm good." don't get me wrong, i think it would be totally awesome as a grandma to have a whole bunch of adult children. but right now, it's too hard just with two! maybe i never thought through the fact that i'd have to see eight babies from birth through the toddler years. 

i have to bite my tongue when i hear yet-to-be-parents talk about their grand intentions of having lots of children. "ha! just wait till you have ONE!" seriously though, i wish them well. 

as for me, i have to really try hard to depend on the Lord for grace, and remember that it IS sufficient. children are a blessing, and while i would recognize that if i ever did get pregnant again, at the moment i'm pretty happy with our family just being a foursome! one boy, one girl, no minivan, one hand for each. 

not that i'm scheduling a tubal ligation or anything, but i just don't have the desire for more babies. i applaud and admire large families, and even felt guilty when at first i realized i no longer wanted to have a lot (after all, we're supposed to be fruitful and multiply right?!) but hey, if anybody has experienced this it's me: God is more than welcome to change my heart! and hey, I LOVE AND CHERISH MY TWO WONDERFUL, ADORABLE KIDDOS!