Sunday, August 8, 2010

If I had another baby

IF is the big word here. I'm totally hypothetically speaking, just so you are aware! As far as I know, I'm not pregnant. So that rumor is officially nipped before budding.

I have several friends who are pregnant. Like 10. And people ask me ALL the time if we're having more children. My typical response as of late has been something like, "We're pretty happy with just our son and daughter, so we're not planning to have any more, but if the Lord gives us another one, we will consider it a blessing."

Here's the thing: I think about it all. the. time. I'm not sure why. I even blogged a while back about not wanting another child. Raising a child is time-consuming. BUT children are a blessing from the Lord. Raising a child is expensive. BUT children are a blessing from the Lord. Raising a child can be inconvenient at times. BUT children are a blessing from the Lord. Let's face it, parenting is just plain HARD.


I can't get it out of my head. It might be because of this article I read recently. And I'm full of mixed emotions. Like, "It would be so great for Julia and Josiah to have another brother and sister." ... "It would be so great if we could do more with them when they get a little older without there being a baby making certain activities near impossible" ... "The more the merrier" ... "Am I crazy? I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the two I've already got!" ... "If I had another baby, I'd do [x] differently. I really want to have another baby so I can do [x] like this or that way." ... "We'd have to get a minivan." ... "It might be nice to have a minivan anyway." ... "It would be that much longer before Riley and I could have some freedom to travel and more time to ourselves with each other." ... "We've always been blessed with family and friends to take care of the kids when we need time away" ... "I've got to get some more sleep" ... "The Lord gives me rest, why just last night I got almost 8 hours!" ... "When I'm 60 I want to have more than two kids." ... "Am I willing to make the investment to see that happen?" ... "It would be so much harder" ... "There would be so much more love going around." ... "Having another baby would be expensive" ... "God pays for what he orders."

And on and on. I love big families. I always thought I'd have one. And I love the one I've got. My kids are absolutely precious and I am so thankful to have them, despite the challenging times. I'm reminded of a massage, you know the kind where they're working on a knot and you just get the feeling that "it hurts so good" ? That's like parenting. It hurts but it's also so rewarding and enjoyable. Sometimes I think my reasons for wanting to be done are selfish. Sometimes I think my reasons for wanting more are only to give my kids more siblings and to do things differently with the hypothetical next child(ren). Riley leans more towards not having any more. And I can totally respect that. After all, I feel that way half the time. But I can't get rid of the feeling that we just might not be done. And the fact that I keep having that feeling makes me think all the more that it's a sign that we should have more. I'm just being honest here.

So, just for the heck of it, here's some of "[x]" or, What I Would Want To Do Differently.

1. See a midwife instead and give birth drug-free at a birthing center or *gasp* maybe even at home. (Yes, I'd go all the way for #3 despite good experiences with two medicated births).
2. Space them more than Julia and Josiah were (26 mos). Like maybe, wait till Josiah's 3 or 4.
3. Not pay someone to amputate his foreskin (if it were a boy).
4. Not find out the sex before he/she is born.
5. Take a vacation just Riley and I in the 2nd trimester.
6. In lieu of a traditional baby shower, have a meet-the-baby party when he/she is 6-8 weeks old.
7. Consider trying to get him/her to take a bottle of pumped milk earlier (we missed that window of opportunity with josiah, although one good thing that has caused is i've bonded more with him).
8. Hire a birth photographer (like this one whose pictures i am in awe of).
9. Not change homes when I'm 8 months pregnant, like the last two times! (shouldn't be a problem, we're pretty settled here).

Ok I know there's more than that but for some reason I'm drawing a blank. I just want to be open to having more, if that's what the Lord wants. Then I think, who am I kidding, of course he wants people to have more kids. But it's sooooo hard, as all you parents know, it's infinitely more difficult than you ever imagined it could be before you were in the throes of taking care of a child. And then I'm reminded, "You're going to spend your life on something, why not children?" (quoting Kathy W.) I mean, of course it's harder with two than with one. But do I wish I would've stopped at one? Of course not! If I had three or four, would I wish I had only had two? No way! So what's stopping me? Fear? Insecurity? Everyday challenges of motherhood? Lack of sleep and spare time? Are those honestly good reasons?

Now I ask you, what made you decide to have more kids when you thought you were done? What made you stop when you thought you'd have more?


  1. Justin and I are planning on having a third baby at some point. I always wanted 4 kids and he was undecided on 2 or 3 so we have pretty much settled on 3. I agree that it a lot of work, although I am sure it is much more difficult having them so close together. Preston and Xander are almost exactly 4 years apart and it works out great. I am thinking that I would like the next one to be a little closer in age though. Plus, I am really praying for a girl. I love my boys, but I have just always really wanted a baby girl. So we will see....

  2. HAVE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You already know I am. Yes, it's hard, but as you said, CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING FROM THE LORD. :) My grandma had 4 children and when she was older she always said she wished she had a few more, bc they were such blessings! SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!

  3. I agree children are the blessing from the Lord but it is hard enough to watch you with only two children. Josiah & Julia are handful but i could see you having another children with the kids are at older age. I know that I don't have children but babysitting 2 kids it hard. I have to watch them even second and it is tough. I can't imagine having two kids or 3 kids it work. I have love for you as a mother to have the patience that you have for your kiddos. If you are thinking of having another child then Clifford & I will help you do our best to baby sit if you need a babysitter.

  4. Collin and I wanted three chidren, but we found out after Isaac was born that I couldn't have any more. We gave it to God and now we are happy and content with the one child that He gave us. I believe that peace and contentment comes when you have had the perfect number for you and your family whether that is just one or six.

  5. Wow. I've always known that I wanted to have 4 kids, and after the birth of both of my children, I told Ryan "nevermind". This one is enough, then just two is enough. And yet, now that Timothy is nearing age 2, I look at my kids and go, yep its time for another. All that to say, I think the Lord stirs things within our heart, and makes us ready for what lies ahead.

  6. I've always wanted 4, but now that I'm in the midst of waking up every 2 hours with a 6 month old it's hard to think about ever wanting to do this again....but I know I will....I think the pay off is when you're older and have a large family around you. But it is a huge investment!